I had my 39th tour of the Sun this week. I am generally not a huge birthday person, not because I am afraid of getting older but I don't really like all the fuss and anxiety that goes with organizing a party. However, this birthday was different. I had two dinners and a lunch and the anxiety wasn't from these events but from the constant chatter in my head of not being where I should be at this age. Just 18 months ago I thought my life was complete, with a partner, beautif